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<h2>Big Quake Crunches Historic Statue</h2>
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A tough-hearted temblor rolled through ^C1 yesterday, toppling the statue of beloved city founder, Elias Q. Montegue. Though other damage was minor (Belligeus Whitney's cat was embedded in her food processor), the destruction of the statue made all of ^C1 get dewy-eyed.
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"Why, I was there moments after old Elias found this garden jewel that became ^C1," said Lickety Split Ringding, the most prominent of the city's riffraff. Obviously continuing to lie through his teeth, Ringding added, "Of course, Elias was looking for Palm Beach. Heck, I could have found ^C1 just as easy as him." The statue will be melted down and made into an ATM machine.