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<h2>Wrench-Lifters Vamoose With The Loot</h2>
The dreaded crescent-wrench bandits have struck again at a ^C1 retirement complex, this time making off with several prized wrenches. The Snore & Moan Haven on Lychee Drive was hit in the early hours of the morning. The notorious thieves broke into the central garage of the complex, as well as rifling the personal wrenches of some of the tenants.
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"Why, I've had that wrench since 1909," said Bob "Wheeze" McGillicuddy, "It's tightened more nuts that you could find in all of California." The complex's vast collection of pliers was left untouched.