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<h2>Zucchini Burner Scores Success</h2>
Inventor Narly "Scoop" Zuskinovitch demonstrated his "Zucchini-Burning Power Contraption" before a panel of scientists in Ft. Collins, Colorado. "It's the real thing," pronounced Panel Chairman Snodwick Deadweight. "A 'seat of the pants' inventor has done what his government, that is to say, us, could not do, which is to say, burned zucchini to produce microwave power." 
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Mr. Zuskinovitch utilized what he termed "heat-application" to zucchini, causing it to "catch fire." A secret process converts that fire's energy into microwaves. Zucchini continues to burn, unlike many of the substances Mr. Zuskinovitch tried to burn before he discovered zucchini. "I tried to burn water for a while," the spry somewhat eccentric inventor explained. "Doesn't work. Sand doesn't burn either, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. I also discovered that money burns. Burns real good in fact. But zucchini's cheaper."
