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<h2>College Expansion To Blame For Falling Standards</h2>
After an exhaustive series of tests, pop quizzes, exams and brutal calisthenics, it was incontrovertibly proven that the recent department expansions at Whizzywig College have brought about a decline in test scores. Most of the blame was placed on the new Philosopy of Philosopy Department, though some contemptuous scorn was also directed toward the History of Pagan Fast Food Department as well.
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"It's not like our research is based on frivolities," said Professor Hirsute M. Froth, Chairperson of the PFFD, as his buffalo-chip burger dripped down his hair shirt. "Once again, it's that short-term, narrow-minded conservative thinking that will be the undoing of us all," he added.