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<h2>Festival Honors ^C1 Founding</h2>
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Dancers shimmied, drummers pounded and drivers despaired as the ^C1 Founding Day festival dominated the downtown area for the past week. The mayor of ^C1, C. Ranky Posthole, proclaimed the celebration a certified good time. His happiness was visible as he munched on a Komodo Dragon pita sandwich in the Exotic Food Court. "Tastes just like chicken," he was overheard to say.
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A life-sized statue of the town's first citizen (well-known tax cheat Sy Plebicite) was erected out of Jello and fruit cocktail and given a place of honor near the small-appliance repair shop.