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<h2>^C1 Raises The Roof--It's A City!</h2>
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^C1 was officially declared a city not a moment too soon, local historians reported. "Before the city was founded, the only thing anyone knew about us was that our university did a study proving that left-handedness enhances your gift-wrapping abilities," said Professor J.K. Sneezeworth, stroking his voluminous beard. "Yeah," added Professor Jansinius "Zippy" Throckmuck, stroking his voluminous Adam's apple.
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^C1 has many big plans to keep the city in the news. The bowling alley will have a gourmet cafe and wig shop, and there will be hot salsa wrestling at noon in Plaguefest Plaza. And the town's most eminent educator, Professor Sluicecake Figfetcher, has promised to continue working on his theory that proper punctuation keeps the joints limber.